Photo by John Brundage

Earlier this week I finished a five day silent retreat at our formation house in Combermere. For those who aren’t familiar with the practice, a retreat is a period of time set aside for prayer and reflection. Retreats usually last at least a day, and ideally they take place in a quiet, peaceful setting. Some are formal and highly structured, while others are flexible and open ended. Some retreats are conducted in near complete silence like mine was, others have a conference-like atmosphere. Whichever of the wide variety of formats you choose, retreats are a tremendous opportunity to take a step back from everyday life and draw closer to God.

One of the main reasons retreats are such a crucial tool in the spiritual life is that they allow our minds to settle. Our minds are like a fish tank with sand at the bottom. Every time we talk, engage in an activity, or experience a strong emotion, the sand gets kicked up. This isn’t bad; it’s a normal part of being human. Exercise is good even though it makes us tired; we just need to avoid overdoing it. In the same way, the things we do and experience in everyday life are good, even though they kick up the sand. But if we’re not careful, the fish tank will fill with an impenetrable fog. If we live our lives at a reasonable pace, and take regular times for prayer and reflection, we can keep the cloud under control. But unless we periodically take an extended break from kicking up the sand, we’ll have a hard time getting a clear view of the tank.

When the dust settles, a beautiful clarity and stillness can emerge. In the hustle and bustle we can get so used to things being noisy, foggy, and dusty that we can forget how beautiful things look in and out of the tank. I remember the first time I got glasses as a nine year old. I was stunned. I had no idea the world could look this sharp, detailed, and colorful. It was life in HD. A good retreat can give us a similar spiritual and emotional experience.

But it’s not all fun and games. Letting the dust settle can also be painful. Without the fog, we can no longer hide from how messy parts of the tank are. Sometimes the messiness can feel overwhelming, and the peaceful solitude of retreat can turn into a cutting loneliness and isolation. Retreats are a privileged place for God to reveal himself to us and bless us. For that very reason, they are also a place where the enemy fights especially hard to discourage and deceive us. 

This shouldn’t scare us away from going on retreat. A beautiful, life changing view awaits us at the top of the mountain, even if getting to the top can be difficult, dangerous, and scary at times. If we are well prepared, have a trustworthy guide, and draw close to the Lord, we have nothing to fear, and everything to gain.

John Brundage is a seminarian with the Companions of the Cross. He also writes a Substack Newsletter called Integrated Prayer.