Photo by John Brundage

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed to us”  (Romans 8:18).

“Don’t get upset with your imperfections. It’s a great mistake because it leads nowhere – to get angry because you are angry, upset at being upset, depressed at being depressed, disappointed because you are disappointed. So don’t fool yourself. Simply surrender to the Power of God’s Love, which is always greater than our weakness.” — St. Francis De Sales

“Now listen to what I said, in your life expect some trouble / But when you worry you make it double / Don’t worry, be happy.” — Bobby McFerrin

“Yeah man me too, one time I didn’t sleep for two weeks.” 

Ever since this conversation, I’ve tried to avoid complaining too loudly about my sleep issues. The helpful (if somewhat bedraggled) Apple Store employee reminded me that while I’ve had troublesome struggles with sleep, others have it far worse. Nevertheless, sleep comes in near the top of the list of my biggest challenges of the last several years. I’ve been blessed to have Trevor and Dianne journey with me on this winding saga of trial and error, and triumphs and setbacks. It’s reminded me over and over again that doctors don’t know everything, and not every problem can be solved with Google.

Thanks be to God, the laboratory that my bedtime became has finally started to produce some heavy hitting results. Everyone is different. For me, earplugs (for noise), a blindfold (for light), and a wet towel on my bed frame (to humidify my dry room) have transformed my sleep. As incredible as these fixes have been, my struggle with sleep has taught me an even more important lesson: that so much of our suffering comes not from the pain itself, but from our reaction to it.

Sleep was the perfect way to observe this. To be sure, it’s a major drag to wake up without feeling rested. But as I paid attention to how I felt when I woke up, I found I wasn’t merely experiencing the physical sensation of tiredness. I was also smuggling in a whole host of emotions and beliefs on top of that tiredness: Frustration from not ‘succeeding’ even after trying a million things. Dread and anxiety at having to face another day without sufficient rest. Despair from wondering whether I’d have to go the rest of my life without proper sleep. 

As I became aware of these emotions and began to unpack them, I saw that my tiredness was a small cut, and my negative emotional reactions were like finely ground salt. The latter turned a moderately unpleasant and inconvenient sensation into a nearly unbearable burden. And more often than not, these negative emotional reactions were based on exaggerated and distorted beliefs. Worst of all, these beliefs were self fulfilling. Try falling asleep when you feel your happiness depends on it!

Buddhists call this phenomenon ‘the second arrow.’  When we suffer we are hit with two arrows. The first arrow is our pain, and the second arrow is our reaction to it. In modern times some have phrased it like this: Suffering = Pain x Resistance. Our Christian tradition is richly layered with this truth. Jesus taught us that we don’t need to run from our pain. He proved on the cross and by his resurrection that it can’t truly hurt us. It’s only when we drape our pain with stories of despair that our suffering can overtake us. Whereas Buddhism seeks to solve suffering by training us to escape the cycle of compulsively winding these stories, Jesus definitively revealed that these stories are false — not merely unproductive. God is real. He loves us. He became one of us, and died to save us. If we turn away from sin, and our lives over to him, we will experience joy beyond what we ever thought was possible. 

We are in the midst of Lent. I hope you’ve gotten off to a good start. May it be a time where you let Jesus help you dodge the second arrow. Take some time today and bring a difficult situation or ongoing struggle to the Lord. Ask him to show you where you can find hope and joy. And if you haven’t turned your life over to Him, I warmly encourage you to do so.

John Brundage is a seminarian with the Companions of the Cross. He also writes a Substack Newsletter called Integrated Prayer.

Check out John’s faith-related articles here!