James is one of my closest, God-given friends that challenges me to be a better person. We met through work some years ago. Even though we’ve lived in different cities—and countries—we’ve kept in touch. It’s been a natural friendship.

A hallmark of our friendship is that we’ve had a knack for spontaneity. Last February, he messaged me one evening. I thought he was still in Rome and that something happened to him. When we called over Messenger, I was delighted and relieved to hear that he returned to Ontario. So I invited him to Ottawa and he came a few days later. 

The best part? I entered a draw to win Ottawa Senators hockey tickets that weekend—and I somehow won! Two 100 level tickets, with a buffet meal and VIP parking. Even though the Senaturds were an absurd team, they somehow managed to pull off an overtime goal. Not just against any team, but against who would then become Stanley Cup finalists later in the season, the Dallas Stars! This was just one of the special moments we have shared together over the past several years.

We also share common interests, like reading and sports, as well as common goals, like striving in virtue and character. We understand each other. We know each other. I relate well with James on a natural and spiritual level.

Leaders are never alone. While they might be ones to lead a team and have influence, I am reminded that leaders need friends along the way to equip them in every good work and undertaking. Leaders need people around them; close friends that can encourage and support, and act as a shrewd sounding board. 

There are three aspects about my friendship with James that provides support to my leadership.

• We share a bond of trust. I can talk to him about how I really feel and what I am really thinking, without being judged. Friends can give a psychological space, a place to honestly share deep thoughts and feelings. That’s important: we all need to be known and heard.

• We strive for greatness. We are both very competitive people. We fight over first place, like in games like Wizard or Cribbage. We might get a little passionate and confrontational, but still make amends at the end. Being our best—or the best—is just one aspect of greatness. Whether it’s fun games or deep spiritual chats, he challenges me to be a better man.

• We understand each other. He knows that faith is the most important thing for me and he’s seen me at some of my lows. He’s bonded with some of my close family and friends and we’ve shared some good adventures. Because of our close friendship, he knows how to counsel me when I am struggling.

“Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter: whoever finds one has found a treasure” (Sirach 6:14).

And as St.Francis de Sales wrote, “In a word, such a friendship should be strong and sweet; altogether holy, sacred, divine and spiritual. And with such an aim, choose one among a thousand, Avila says;—and I say among ten thousand, for there are fewer than one would think capable of this office” (Introduction to the Devout Life).

Who is your one in ten thousand?