Photos by Lexine Photography

We got married during a pandemic and a trucker convoy a few months ago! We experienced a lot of growth and character-building through our wedding planning. I am reminded that we can allow life’s circumstances and struggles to bring about a greater good in our lives. For us, the difficulties in planning our wedding actually made the beginning of our marriage that much stronger. We’d love to bring you into it—check out this article as we share our adventure.

Question 1: What was it like to plan a wedding?

Trevor: Planning a wedding during the pandemic was stressful, but I don’t think we would have wanted it any other way. I think every couple should plan their own wedding. We grew so much as a couple because of it. We learned to communicate, we learned to make decisions together, and we learned how to relax and enjoy quality time.

I particularly remember one evening where we got in a fight over something small. It turns out that while I was explaining my side of the story, Dianne also had a similar viewpoint, only expressed differently in terms of our words. We learned that we were on the same page, just that we were fighting over what was being said! We learned to seek understanding before being understood – a key ingredient for healthy communication.

And then we grew in decision-making. We were engaged for eight months, and in that time had to made many, many decisions leading up to the wedding day. From simple things such as what to put on our dinner tables at the reception, to larger conversations around the actual venue itself. It was emotional: decisions involve communication (there it is again), openness, and conflict. And the layer that was hard on top of all of that was the changing nature of the pandemic which caused many big decisions to be reassessed. But don’t get me wrong: some things were fun to dream about. We enjoyed the process of finding a place to live, where our honeymoon location was going to be, and what readings were going to be said at Mass.

Yes, the stress was real, and that is why it was important to have quality time together as a couple. We spontaneously bought a Disney Plus subscription and journeyed through the Marvel Cinematic Universe leading up to our wedding day. We would productively hash away at wedding planning things, with some quality movie content to finish our day. The Avenger series was such a blessing, and we learned to make time for that and other fun things as a couple.

Dianne: Planning our wedding was something I never put much thought into as a kid. So, when Trevor and I got engaged, we had a blank canvas to work with. I highly suggest to you women, to let your man in and help make decisions! It was so lovely to dream of a wedding day together. Planning a wedding is an opportunity to use your gifts. Trevor is very detail oriented and so I asked if he could organize a spreadsheet of all the things we would need to complete every month leading up to the wedding day. Well, he made the spreadsheet and this helped immensely. It was also an opportunity to be intentional with little details of our wedding day, in a way that represented us best.

Here are some of those details. For example, Trevor’s favourite color is burgundy and that was our wedding color. We consecrated ourselves to St Joseph, whom loved lilies and made sure to add that to my bouquet. Modesty and simplicity were reflected in my wedding dress. We both value our families and were fortunate enough to have them for our reception. We ate great food, pasta I might add, Trevor’s favourite dish. We chose our readings for the mass and we were intentional with the significance of it to represent us. Then we got wedding photography done from a friend of mine. Talented musicians brought us closer to Jesus with their beautiful voices. Priests that have encouraged us in the past. Yves and Brianna, Trevor’s close friends, drove us everywhere on the wedding day. The readers – Trevor’s best friend James and my Papa — with their voices to proclaim. The ushers both anglophone and francophone. Close family and friends that were chosen to support us physically and virtually on this special day. There are so many other details that I can say that has been thoroughly thought of and brought to prayer. This is why as Trevor has said, we highly suggest you plan your own wedding instead of having someone do it for you.

Question 2: What was the biggest thing that you learned?

Dianne: I learned how to better love. To love comes in many different ways. To love is to put aside your plans and to be present when your fiancé is having a harder day. To love, is having the courage to share your heart. To love is to give a hug to your spouse-to-be even when you do not feel it because you want to finish the day on good terms and not go to bed angry. I have also learned how to better love by asking for forgiveness when I was wrong.

Let me give you an example on forgiveness. In the summer of 2021, I went to Montreal with my maid of honour for a vacation time but also with the intention of buying a wedding dress. Note that I didn’t want to stress about it later on. I was able to buy a beautiful wedding dress with the thought of having a seamstress doing alterations to make it modest. Well, a couple months later when seeing the seamstress, I imagined all the work she needed to put into it and the result it would give, that I decided not to pursue with that dress. At that moment, I needed to forgive myself for having bought a dress that was a quick and bad decision. I also sought forgiveness from Trevor because we had intended to stick to our budget and here I was needing to buy a new one to cover my humiliating mistake. Trevor was a great support. Forgiveness helped me move on. And so, here I was, two months away from my wedding day needing to find a new wedding dress. I found one, in the “mother of the bride” category and bought my wedding dress online. It arrived a month before my wedding and I loved it. Forgiveness is something that the Lord does every time we go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Just like St. Therese of Lisieux said, “All that multitude of sins would disappear in an instant, even as a drop of water cast into a flaming furnace”. We need to be gentle with ourselves and learn from our mistakes. This can help us make better decisions for the future.

Trevor: I am reminded that marriage is procreative and unitive. I think I read somewhere that marriage also helps perfect the personality of each person. So in saying that, planning a wedding helped perfect my person and character. There were several things I learned: communication (aha, again!), decision making, and humility. I learned how to communicate in the way Dianne could receive and I also learned how to communicate my own needs. There were several times for example where I was emotionally or mentally spent, whether because of wedding planning or the stress of my workday. Dianne asked me what I needed, and I learned how to listen to my body and mention what I needed.  Oftentimes it was simply just to rest and take it easy. I learned how to be humble and receive the love and support of her care.

Also, I grew in deliberation and decision making. What really struck me was all the decisions that had to be made, and remade once plans changed. I alluded to that in the first question. Usually I am quick to make decisions, and sometimes it comes at the detriment of being rash. I learned how to consult other people for decisions and to consider various factors. For example, we thought to have our wedding reception at Wilf & Ada’s, one of our favourite brunch spots in the Ottawa area. With all the restrictions, it seemed like we could do it after our wedding day, on the Sunday. However, we decided to make a good decision and consult several people about this alternative. Some were family, and others were friends. They unanimously mentioned not to have brunch after the wedding day. That way we could have rest on our honeymoon. And we did just that. Was it a good decision? You bet it was. We were pretty tired the day after our wedding and we needed that rest.

I also grew in different virtues, one being humility. I remember what a mentor said: planning a wedding during the pandemic is stressful. To be honest, I brushed it off a little. I was maybe a little overconfident and thought that it couldn’t be that bad. Well, it was stressful. The month of September and October were hard for us a couple. I went through a transition to a new role while also balancing wedding planning things. And of course, we can’t forget the effects of the pandemic on our wedding planning. There were imposed shutdowns, change in venues, the Freedom Convoy which changed our wedding mass last minute. It was all stressful: but totally worth it in the end as I mentioned earlier. I look back at the wedding day – none of that mattered, none of that stress was something that I regret. The wedding day was the happiest moment of my life. It was worth it. But let me tell you, I think I will consider more the opinions of others, encouraging or not, rather than brush it aside. Humility is good.

Question 3: Words of wisdom for other couples planning a wedding during the pandemic?

Dianne: Remember why you are getting married – to be united with one another and to raise a family. This will help immensely to be focused more on the marriage and less on the day of the wedding, because you never know when plans will change. Have a day in your week where you do not talk about wedding plans and instead connect, communicate, and be present with each other. Things will not go to plan and that is okay, what is most important is how you deal with it as a couple, as a team. Dedicate tasks to family and friends, they will feel loved and pleased to help. Have a Plan B for everything, just in case Plan A doesn’t work out. Things didn’t work out as planned, and that is okay, because in the end we were able to laugh about it. Believe it or not, and it was even better than imagined!

Trevor: My words of wisdom would be to prepare for your marriage as you prepare for your wedding. Look, we planned to have our Mass at St. Patrick’s Basilica in downtown Ottawa, then followed by a reception at the Rideau Curling Club, which was only a 5 minute walk from the Church. During our last week of wedding preparations, the Freedom Convoy forced us to change our Church literally two days before we got married. We also couldn’t confirm our restaurant until the day before. Wow. That was tough. And while it was stressful, it was also emotional. However, the lens we looked at it was this: wedding is a day, marriage is a lifetime. And although our plan was A, it turned out to be B. But because we communicated, conflicted, and deliberated over plan A, it didn’t really matter what came about for plan B. Because what mattered wasn’t either of those, A or B, but that we were getting married. All the effort that went into wedding planning had the context of how it would help us with the end in mind: our marriage. That was the most important thing. How would wedding prep help our marriage prep? I feel like that attitude is rightly ordered.

Question 4: What was your favourite moments of your wedding day?

Dianne: My favourite moment of the day? So many to choose from. First, being prayed over by my lovely maid of honour, Tesa. Then, while being driven to the Church, the sun came out. Walking down the aisle with my parents, seeing our dear friends and family around filled with love and most of all, seeing Trevor radiating joy with his big smile waiting for me to come. Being at the front of the Church felt like we were the only ones there, a special Mass just for us. Father Jon’s homily, being in French and English, speaking about how the Light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome it (John 1:5). And when saying our vows, confidently, not stumbling on my words, the sun was shinning on us and Jesus through us, being our Light. The music was a delight, touching my soul. Celebrating in the evening with our family was intimate and heartwarming to hear the speeches and dance our first dance together. The restaurant treated us like family and took very good care of us all. Not just one moment, but many!

Trevor: I think my most memorable moment was when Dianne walked down the aisle. I felt so much peace and so much joy that I had a really big smile—probably the biggest smile I’ve ever had, actually. I was grinning ear to ear. When Dianne came to the front, I shook her Dad’s hand firmly and received a wonderful hug from her mother. Then I hugged Dianne and she said, “I love you.” The Mass began. We said our vows. We got married.

Might I add a few more moments: leading up to the Mass, I wasn’t too stressed. The morning was calm. I was with my brother and two of my best friends. We enjoyed a nice brunch and then we got suited up. With about a half hour to spare before heading out, I got a little antsy. The nerves started to kick in then. When I get nervous, I pace up and down. There I was, pacing up and down. As I recognized my nerves, my brother took out his guitar, and then we started to sing a beloved family favourite, Hotel California by the Eagles. Why was this memorable? Because it was an effective way to release my nerves. I wasn’t uptight or pacing after that. And of course, I have to add this: during the homily, the priest talked about the light shining in the darkness. For us, this was a theme for our wedding day. John 1:5, which Dianne mentioned, is one of our favourite Scripture passages. We desire to radiate Christ’s love and light to everyone, and to be a living witness of a Christ-centered marriage. At one point the priest shared an analogy of the moon. In that very instance, the sun withdrew from the church. Then, the priest talked about the moon radiating the light of the sun. And guess what? The sun came back and shone brightly. Darkness could not overcome our wedding day.

Thank you to our family and friends who journeyed with us. Your prayers, support, and generosity made it a wonderful celebration!