Wisdom and Decision Making
Photo by John Brundage
5 Minute Read
“[Wisdom] is a breath of the power of God, and a pure emanation of the glory of the Almighty; therefore nothing defiled gains entrance into her. For she is a reflection of eternal light, a spotless mirror of the working of God, and an image of his goodness” (Wisdom 7:25-26 ).
“For she is more beautiful than the sun, and excels every constellation of the stars. Compared with the light she is found to be superior, for it is succeeded by the night, but against wisdom evil does not prevail” (Wisdom 7:29-30).
“I became enamored of her beauty” (Wisdom 8:2).
I’ll have spent eight years and nine months preparing to become a priest by the time I finish seminary. I sometimes (ok fine, often!) wish the process were shorter. I look at my married friends and I don’t think any of them would have wanted or benefited from an eight year engagement. I’m almost halfway through my fifth year, and let me tell you, that’s a lot of time to second guess yourself! But I must admit that this drawback is also one of the greatest strengths of seminary formation. To spend so much time staring down the barrel of such a major and unusual decision makes for an intensive education in self knowledge and discerning God’s will.
The founder of my community, Fr. Bob Bedard would often say, “the only thing worth doing is God’s will.” How do we discover God’s will? There are many great resources available to help us understand this process. For a deeper dive than I’ll be able to make in this blog post, I personally recommend Fr. Timothy Gallagher’s podcast series on The Discernment of Spirits, and on Discerning God’s Will. My community also has a pretty darn good booklet on the subject too. But for me, the most helpful summary I’ve come across was made by Fr. Mike Schmitz in his video: 4 Helpful Rules for Discernment. Here I’ll list these rules, and give my own reflection on them. When faced with a decision, Fr. Mike recommends we ask four questions:
1) Is it a good door?
2) Is it an open door?
3) Is it a wise door?
4) Do I want it?
1) Is it a good door?
There’s no guesswork required for this door. If an action is sinful, we can know absolutely, for a fact, beyond any shadow of a doubt that it’s not God’s will. Our willingness to trust in Jesus and follow his commands forms the foundation of our relationship with him: “if you love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15). Paul writes “ Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” (Romans 6:1-3).
I used to approach this door intellectually: what’s the point of resisting God? And ‘what are the chances I’ve seen something that God, (or Thomas Aquinas, or John Paul II etc for that matter) overlooked?’ These questions are each helpful in their own way, but they miss the most important point: Jesus’ commandments reflect the Father’s loving plan for our lives. Good parents tell their kids what to do. They don’t make their kids eat their vegetables and go to bed to control or oppress them but to help them. In Hebrews we read “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Heb 12:11). As children we didn’t always understand or appreciate the reasons behind our parents’ discipline. But just as a child with good parents will realize the good behind their parents’ discipline, we need to trust that eventually we will see the good reason behind the boundaries God places in our lives.
2) Is it an open door?
This is the door of investigation. There’s only so much you can learn watching from a distance. Eventually you have to ask someone out. Eventually you have to call the seminary and schedule a come and see. Eventually you have to apply for the job, try out for the team, or audition for the part. You’ll never know God’s will for you until you have the courage to take your daydreaming into reality and risk getting a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. This can be scary, sometimes embarrassing, and even heartbreaking. But without this risk we’re condemned to living the life of “quiet desperation” which Henry David Thoreau warned against. A question St. Ignatius’ method of discernment recommends can be asked in this way: what will I wish I had done on my deathbed? For me it’s hard to imagine anyone wishing they’d spent more time procrastinating and worrying. Check the door to see if it’s open. If it isn’t, you can stop worrying and move on with your life. If it’s open, you can begin a great and exciting adventure.
3) Is it a wise door?
What is wisdom? Fr. Bob once said that wisdom means this: “Ask God everything.” One of the ways God speaks, especially for minor decisions, is through common sense and the circumstances of our life. If you have a newborn, are working full time, and taking care of your sick mother, you can pretty much guarantee that God doesn’t want you to volunteer for fifteen hours a week at the local food pantry, as good as doing that might otherwise be. If you have an exam you need to study for, it probably isn’t God’s will for you to watch YouTube all day. Catherine Dogherty richly spoke of God’s will being expressed in ‘the duty of the moment.’ What is the best use of my time right now? How can I best serve God and others based on where he has placed me?
It’s important to remember that wisdom is not merely natural prudence. Jesus sometimes calls us to do radical and unusual things. His parables and the lives of the saints are full of stories of people doing things for the Lord which seemed crazy in the eyes of the world. This is because they, along with St. Paul had come to “consider everything as a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus…” (Philipians 3:8). Seeing and knowing this supreme good is the source of all true wisdom.
4) Do I want it?
This door wasn’t always clear to me. Early on in my discernment, if the question of what I wanted crossed my mind, my response would more or less be “what does it matter what I want? All that matters is what God wants.” Though it came from a well meaning and generous place, I’ve learned the hard way that it’s not psychologically sustainable, and it doesn’t reflect the relationship God wants to have with us. Think of it this way: Why do some priests go crazy and run off to Hawaii with the parish secretary? Why do some marriages collapse into an ugly divorce after decades of life together? Why are some old folks constantly bitter and cranky? I don’t have all the answers, but I’m convinced a major factor is that they’ve spent their entire lives simmering in a low boil resentment. Humans have a finite capacity for putting up with attitudes like: “I never wanted this.” Eventually it becomes too much to take.
St. Paul teaches that when we act for the Lord, we should do so from a place of freedom. “Each one must do as he has made up his mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” God wants us to serve him, but before, and even more than that, he wants us to freely love and trust him. If you sense that something is God’s will, but you don’t feel you can do it freely, generously, and cheerfully, treat it like a flat tire. If you can pull over, do so as soon as possible. If you have to keep going, drive slowly and cautiously. Get to the bottom of any feelings of compulsion or fear you have, ideally with the help and counsel of trusted spiritual friends.
Action item: think of a decision you’re facing, or something you’d like to do in the future. Take out a piece of paper and write down this decision, and your answers to Fr. Mike Schmitz’s questions: Is it a good door? Is it an open door? Is it a wise door? Do I want it?
John Brundage is a seminarian with the Companions of the Cross. He also writes a Substack Newsletter called Integrated Prayer.