Photo Caption: I drew an image of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus during my first year as a CCO missionary. His Heart consoled me during tough trials.

Seven minute read.

My second sabbatical reflection centers on the Cross. A key scripture passage that personally links to this theme comes from Matthew 11. This verse appeared throughout many prayer times during tough seasons. I suffered many trials, and I learned that the Cross carried me through those challenging moments. The Cross will inevitably find us, we who love Christ. Do not be afraid though, God will never allow us to suffer more than we can handle. When we suffer, we can surrender in a powerful way. This is part of our calling, but it is not the end.

“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11: 28-30

How does Jesus like his eggs?

“For my yoke is easy” — see Matthew 11:30.

Oh My God Moments

There is great joy amidst the hardship of mission. One of CCO’s tenets is holy goofiness. It describes our light-heartedness even during the demands of mission—we take the mission seriously but not ourselves. There has been so many little funny moments, even during a pandemic. Even when things were online and even when the world was shutdown, our team chose joy. We had fun and we worked hard. This past semester at CCO uOttawa I had a chance to work on my One Minute Goals with my supervisor, Megan. Essentially, I focused on three things that would yield the most effectiveness. My goals were to invest in my top two leaders, become a better decision maker, and lead effective team meetings. In conversation, we had it short formed to OMGs. Megan touched based on how my OMGs went on a weekly basis.

A teammate overheard my supervisor and I talk about them one week. When she met one-on-one with Megan, she could not wait to talk about her OMGs…what she mistakenly took as her Oh My God moments! She supposedly shared many of them. Megan Laughed in joy. My teams have been able to laugh and joke over the little things. Taking things lightly is so important to our life in mission. I look back over these last five years on CCO staff and see that everything was worth it—goals and God moments galore.

The Office Ain’t That Bad

As I mentioned in my last reflection, I worked at CCO Concordia. It was a hard season. I tried to adjust to a new culture and get by with my French. Loneliness was a challenge. In addition, most importantly, my father passed away tragically. I will not go into that story, but you will hear it throughout these reflections. While in Montreal, I also fell ill with bronchitis and pneumonia in back to back winters. Despite these crosses, it was exciting to build a thriving ministry at Concordia University. Students came to know Christ in powerful ways. In a secular place like Montreal, seeds of conversion sprouted. Yet, the Lord asked me to deepen my love for Him. CCO asked me to move on.

This story shows how God is the giver of good things, especially when it is hard. I left Montreal after two years of service to work at CCO’s office. I learned one key thing: God does not want us to become attached to people, places, or positions. He asks us to be attached to His will and His will alone. God’s will is often manifested through our superiors, so in a way being obedient to my placement was to be obedient to God. While it was hard to leave Montreal, God gave me tremendous blessings.

I returned to Ottawa and it was very necessary for my growth. I had time to be with my family after Dad passed away. That alone was healing enough. To go through grief was important. I even had a chance to live with my brother and sister, which was a huge blessing when the pandemic shut the world down. In regards to working at CCO’s office, I was able to see the mission in a new light. Beforehand, I must admit, I did not want to work in the office. My gifts in evangelization and leadership were best suited on campus, or so I thought. How could I use these gifts in a back-office context?

The truth is that we are missionary wherever we are, by virtue of our baptism. We do not have to be on campus to be missionary. We find our mission wherever we are. At CCO’s headquarters, I had a chance to grow my professional skills. This included leading team meetings, copyediting, and developing my leadership abilities. I even gave a kerygmatic talk at a CCO Summit and a leadership workshop at Rise Up. God gave me the chance to evangelize. I even started a men’s group outside of work. Ha. And to think I wouldn’t be able to use my gifts while working in the office…God was so generous. I mentioned to one of my Communications teammates, Nick, “The office ain’t that bad.” And guess what? My disposition changed. In fact, I was indifferent whether I would stay in the office or go back to campus for my next placement. This simple experience, moving away from Montreal to continue my mission in Ottawa, showed that God is a giver of good things. Especially when I thought it would be hard.

An Italian Mass

On the theme of the Cross and suffering, only God can come through. We have our efforts, which are very necessary, but they are not sufficient. In fact, it is the foolishness and power of the Cross that carries us through our trials. For God’s weakness is greater than human strength (see 1 Corinthians 1:25).

Here is a story of how God came through for me. Let’s back track to my first year while serving at CCO Carleton. In my spiritual life, I began a devotion to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. I don’t think we find the devotions; they find us. One of my student leaders sent a book on the devotion of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. It explained the twelve promises of the Sacred Heart. They were attractive. They include Christ’s promise to grant peace in their homes, to make tepid souls become fervent, and to give priests the ability to reach the hardest of hearts, among others. Who wouldn’t want to devote their lives to the Sacred Heart?

A key part to this devotion is to attend Mass for nine consecutive first Fridays. I decided to take part in this devotion while reading my student’s book. I was able to go to the first Friday Masses until the fall. I started the devotion in June, which is also known as the month of the Sacred Heart. By the time September came, it was a busy season. As a campus missionary, we did our intense week of outreach. Students came back to university and we met with almost a thousand people. We chatted with many students to see who was interested to learn about the Christian faith. Because it was our busiest week, I couldn’t make it to Mass on the first Friday. I felt sad and bummed. I surrendered the devotion to the Lord and with a heartfelt prayer I said, “You know I love you. I don’t have to complete this devotion to prove it. So I guess I can try again at a better time, if it is in your will.”

Well it turns out that after a long day, and hard week, I arrived at my apartment. My roommate came just ten minutes later, a little after 7 PM and said, “Hey Trevor, there’s an Italian Mass at 7:30 PM. Wanna come?” With great surprise and delight, we went, and I knew God would help me complete this devotion. I didn’t speak or understand Italian, but I knew God’s love language is the Eucharist. That was enough for me to participate. By God’s grace, I completed the nine consecutive first Friday Masses. He carried me through it. Only God can come through with His plans. It was clearly His will that I would grow my devotion to the Eucharist. And let me tell you—it was needed. The Eucharist sustained me when my Dad passed away tragically later that year.

Just Let Go

Every August our staff family meets together at the National Staff Gathering. It is important to grow as a missionary family, to learn from each other, and to prepare ourselves for the upcoming year. One summer at the National Staff Gathering we had an evening of Holy Spirit prayer. I had an inkling that day I would get slain by the Spirit. What this means is that the Holy Spirit, with our permission, performs some particular grace in our life. I’ve only experienced this one time.  

That evening, several people prayed over me. One of our staff came to the mic and shared Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” This was one of my favorite passages after my Dad tragically passed away. As she read it again, my legs became woozy. I was stubborn, though. I tried my best to keep standing. Then later on she went back to the mic, “I have this sense that someone is not letting go. I’ll repeat it again: Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” My teammate Maria whispered in my ear, “Do not be afraid, Trevor. Just let go.”

I then gave the Lord permission. My legs gave out and my fellow missionaries brought me to the ground. I tried to stand up but my legs felt like a ton of bricks. For about fifteen minutes, I lay there. My eyes were closed. I sensed people praying around me. Then I eventually got up. After this unique experience, one of my teammates came to me. He had a powerful sense to pray for my inner healing. He did so, and received tears from the Lord’s healing touch. God healed me and I experienced a new freedom from that day onwards. The point of this story is this: by letting go, we surrender to the Cross and we become victorious.

I Will Give You Rest

For a few summers, I helped other missionaries raise their full financial support. I met with my missionaries every week. Matthew 11 spoke to them as well. We checked-in about their goals and their targets. It can get emotional: raising money for the Kingdom can be pretty hard. We meet with people to see if they would sponsor our work. That involves rejection and tough conversations. Relying on providence is difficult; it requires faith in God. My support raisers, fellow CCO missionaries, struggled one summer. Every time I shared Matthew 11:28, “Come to me and I will give you rest”, we became emotional. That passage packed a punch for us. We felt that God wanted us to rest with Him. No matter the labour, the struggle, and the suffering, He said to us, “Come to me, you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens and I will give you rest.” He says that to every one of us, too.

The heart of Jesus is gentle. He invites us to rest in Him, in His love. He knows that the life of a disciple involves hardship, distress, and the Cross. Everything in life points to the Cross. But the Cross is given out of love. The Cross is given for our salvation. Let us not fear what it might entail. Let it bare us as we carry it. When we surrender to it with love, we no longer carry the Cross; the Cross carries us. For the yoke is the Cross. So anytime we struggle with the weight of the Cross, go to Jesus. He will make it light and sweet. He will lift it high, bring a sweet goodness out of its intention, and allow us to learn and grow from the hard experiences.

God has a great calling for our lives. With that comes suffering and purification. The Cross will find us. What can you do? Surrender to the power of the Cross; accept all that befalls you. Offer it up for others. For it is our suffering that purchases souls. And have hope. For with the Cross, there is also the Resurrection. They are inseparable.

This sabbatical reflection is part one of a five-themed series. Click here for the others!