Photo caption: I hiked on the Rockies with a good friend before we went on a five-day retreat. God spoke Isaiah 43 in that time.

Seven minute read.

Every great calling has its challenges. We will have to overcome our obstacles of fear. It is common, especially those called to ministry. It comes from our insecurities, other people and events, or even the enemy of our soul. I’ve felt the fear of rejection, fear of what others may think of me, and the fear that God will not provide, to name a few. This third sabbatical reflection revolves around Isaiah 43: God exhorts us to have trust despite our fears. God gave me ample amount of time to pray with this passage and put it into practice. It reminds me to have faith in God because love always wins.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

Isaiah 43:1b-2

Do Not Be Afraid

CCO missionaries confront their fears of raising a full salary on God’s providence. There is a fear we will not hit our target and a fear we will run out of people to contact. There is a fear that our family and friends will reject us. There is also a fear that we will lose close relationships. I have experienced some of these fears.

God and the Church Triumphant are close to us. They are rooting for us from Heaven. Many Saints can relate with our various situations and calls. In fact, some of them have even experienced what we have gone through. They are there to guide and pray for us. Here is a story that shows we have nothing to fear, because God and His Saints are present.

One summer I experienced fear during support raising. I had to raise full support to fund my salary. My next placement was CCO Concordia. I made the necessary sacrifices: I did not commit to evening sports and I worked more than full-time hours so I could have meetings after dinner. Although I stayed faithful to the calls and invited others to support, there was little to no fruit for a few weeks. I was stressed and anxious. It was not fun.

Then, on the eve of Pentecost, something took place. I had a dream of Saint John Paul II. I oftentimes prayed to him. He was a great man who lived the call of holiness during a dark period of history. I love how he fought for the dignity of persons and how deeply he loved the Lord. While he may not have been a CCO missionary, I could still relate with him. He loved the outdoors, he connected with the youth, and he trusted in God’s providence. He entrusted many great things to God: Communist Poland, a near attempt of assassination, the Jubilee Millennium, and the attack against marriage and family, among many others. Following his example, I entrusted my support raising to him and some other Saints. To have him visit me in a dream was a surprise and delight.

It was a short dream. He was in his white papal garments and sat across from me. He simply said, “Do not be afraid.” I suddenly woke up with peace, probably for what was the first time in a while. I was going to be okay. The Saints, like John Paul II, were looking after me. Over the next few months, I had amazing support visits and I received all of my financial support. God was there, protecting me. Do we really need to fall into fear when God and His Saints on our side?

Clapping Hands

The theme of this reflection is Isaiah 43. It came to me during a retreat in Saskatchewan. It spoke to me of God’s restoration and redemption. I struggled with a fear that I was not truly forgiven for my past mistakes and failings. This was a great lie, and only God could speak His truth: nothing is irreparable with God’s mercy. We do not have to fear that God will abandon us.

A year after my dream with St. John Paul II, I prayed about how I would use my vacation time. I received an image of the Rocky Mountains and got excited. As we know, St. John Paul II loved the outdoors. Could the Lord be calling me to hike? I didn’t want to go on my own, so I messaged my good friend James, who also worked at CCO Saskatoon. Well, it turns out that James had vacation and he wanted to hike! We organized a trip in April that consisted of hiking in the mountains as well as participating in a five-day spiritual retreat.

We hiked on various mountains. I have a fear of heights, I must admit. I also had a fear of bears. I heard stories about hikers running into them out West. Although to be honest, those are probably very rare occurrences. Nevertheless, I had this fear. As we journeyed up one of the peaks, which was about three hours, I clapped my hands every few minutes or so. Poor James, I think he was a little frustrated and annoyed. I thought by making noise we would scare off the bears. To my delight, we did not see any. I bet it was because of my clapping.

After our hiking adventures, we travelled back to Saskatchewan for a five-day Ignatian retreat. It was a blessed time. On the retreat, our director shared several Scripture passages. In fact, one of them really spoke to me. Isaiah 43, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine.” I prayed with this passage and even underlined it in my personal Bible.

I did not struggle with only a fear of bears or heights on that trip. I struggled with a fear that I would not be restored from past sins. That is the work of the enemy. God spoke powerfully through Isaiah 43, that I have a future full of restoration and hope. In fact, I learned that God makes all things new and anything is reparable with His mercy. If we find ourselves in fear because of what our sins have done to our relationship with God and others, be not afraid. If we return to Him, He will heal and redeem us. He will also look after those we may have wronged. Discouraging fear is not from God; let us be careful and examine where it comes from.

Patron Saint of Cars

We generally have fears that we will suffer and that God will not provide. Speaking into the latter, I have a fascinating story to tell about His providence. During a recent team leader call this summer, our Regional Manager asked a question, “If you were the patron Saint of something, what would it be?” One person said they would be the patron saint of socializing. Another said they would be the patron saint of procrastinating. I would be the patron saint of cars. Why?

Last year I had spiritual attacks against my car. At important seasons of ministry, there were unfortunate and annoying problems with it. During our busy outreach season in September, the car died. We replaced the battery and it still would not run. I got a part fixed and then it seemed to work again, but it was rather odd and unexpected. Then in February, when we launched our winter faith studies, I had an icicle fall right through my sunroof. It was almost a $4,000 repair. Luckily, I paid a deductible and insurance covered the rest of it.

Then there were the Ides of March. I ended up putting in another $2,500 worth of repairs so that I could sell the car, at a discount, to my sister. (If you are wondering, she was well aware of the problems with this car.) It turns out it passed the safety–only to have it die on me AGAIN when I drove to see my then girlfriend. It would not pass forty kilometers an hour on the highway. I was stuck in the middle of Ottawa and Casselman ready to get rid of this problem.

I took it into the shop and they finally diagnosed the issue: there was a wiring corrosion problem with the engine control module. The cost to repair was at least another $3,200. In my angst, they offered a pittance for the car—a measly $500. I stopped myself and decided not to give the dealership more money. I took time to sell as is, which ending up working. However, leading up to that moment, I lost my peace. My reflection brought me to this point: I did not initially trust that God could bring a good out of the situation. And I did not trust that He would provide. So what did I do? I offered up the car problems for two things: a fruitful season of raising financial support for CCO Ottawa as well as raising full support for my personal ministry.

It was very fruitful. Not only financially, but spiritually as well. I had one man who decided to support our region. The greatest grace was that I shared the Gospel message with him, and he responded. At an old age, he struggled particularly in the pandemic. He shared some things he hadn’t shared with anyone. He had deep trauma and pain from his family wounds and past upbringing. He also struggled with addiction. As I shared the Gospel, I felt called to be the Father’s voice. I said that God loved him. He proceeded to invite Jesus be the center of his life. By the end, he was in tears. He shared with relief, “I can finally breathe again. This is wonderful.”

God provided much more than I thought. Follow the math with me. Our work brought in a lot of money to the Ottawa Region—as a team we raised about $15,000 in just a month, and I raised $10,000 for my personal ministry. I sold my car as is for $3,200. In addition, get this, my sister also gifted me her Ford Fiesta! It is valued at $7,000. Add it up: He provided more than thirty thousand dollars of blessings. My initial fear was that God would not provide this summer after I put in a repair before my first car died. When I recognized this fear, I gave it back to Him in a confidence of trust. He provided. I lost the cost of a car repair and the car itself, valued at ten grand; God provided over thirty-five thousand through supporters, sisters, and car sales. Is that not more than a hundredfold?

A Commentary On Our Youth

I work with the younger generation on university campuses, so I get a sense of their struggles. Our youth have fears that they will lose their happiness by trusting God and that they are alone to figure out their lives. I’ve had personal conversations with probably thousands of young people, Catholics and Muslims, Buddhists and Hindus, atheists and agnostics. Those that do not believe in a God who personally loves them generally fall into a lie that God is not Father and He will not bring them life, joy, or meaning. There is a distrust in God because they fear He will take something away. I have seen these poor souls ironically fall into complacency, apathy, and mediocrity. This is hard to see, and that is why we do our work in evangelization. Only in Jesus can we find our life’s true purpose: that we were created to know, love, and serve God.

Our youth also struggle with loneliness. I think that our youth look to various mediums to console this fear: consumption of social media, various worldly addictions, and impure and unhealthy relationships. When we do not have God filling our love tank, there’s going to be something else that tries, but will inevitably fail to satisfy. Fear of loneliness is a damaging one. I think it’s because we live in a spiritually-fatherless generation. Society views that God is not Father and He is not looked at as Provider. We are left to our own devices, having to figure life out on our own. I then have to prove myself to others, I then also make my identity in what I do. These are also hard things to see in the younger generation. Only in Jesus can we conquer these fears.

Jesus calls each one of us by name. He calls us to a plan of restoration and hope, no matter what sins we have committed or what path we travelled. He calls us as His children, with a great mission in life that includes healing, love, and redemption. We come to know our plan through a selfless gift to others, looking not to take, but to give. We see the goodness, beauty, and truth that lies in a life-giving relationship with the Trinity, which sets us free from bondage to sin. His Word is Truth; it casts out all nonsense and lies. Love conquers all; love is victorious.

So what can we do? Commit to trusting in the Lord. Fear comes with the calling: our own insecurities, doubts, and hesitations arise in our state of sin. We are faced with our humanity and our weakness. However, take hold and stay fast to Jesus Christ. With the calling comes His grace and strength, most of all His love in the Holy Spirit. He prepares and equips us for our calling; we have not to fear. God is a Heavenly Father who provides for our needs and takes care of our concerns. Love always wins.

This sabbatical reflection is part three of a five-themed series. Click here for the others!