Shame and New Creation
Photo by John Brundage
“Behold, I make all things new” (Rev 21:25).
“From now on, therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view; even though we once regarded Christ from a human point of view, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation” (2 Cor 5:16-19).
I used to think only Catholics felt shame. Of course I realized others could too. But I’d bought the Catholic guilt stereotype hook, line, and sinker. I simply accepted that a greater proneness to shame was part of the price of admission. My time as a missionary squashed this. In encounter after encounter with people of other faith backgrounds, I saw that shame is very much a universal human phenomenon.
I’ve written in past posts about the importance of looking at the stories we tell ourselves. When people investigate their guilt with a spiritual attentiveness, many uncover stories like, “God could never forgive me,” “I am a terrible person” or “I’m an embarrassment.” For me, a major lie I struggled with was the idea that because of my sins, my life now had an asterisk next to it. Everything that was good and special about me and my life was now tainted.
Thanks be to God, I’ve come to see that that mentality isn’t in the same zip code as the Gospel. When we are in Christ, we are a new creation. Yes, our sins have consequences, and there is a place for mourning and making reparation. Accepting God’s forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending that our sin never happened. It does mean choosing to live in the reality that our sin was nailed to the cross. Jesus traded his life for yours. He has really and truly redeemed you.
But it’s hard to feel redeemed when a fault is severe, or when you keep falling into the same fault over and over again. In overcoming a vice, it can be tempting to count the days since we last fell. Twelve Step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous reward streaks of abstinence by giving out chips at various milestones for sobriety (e.g. 30 days, three months, a year). Keeping track of milestones is a healthy and proven way to celebrate progress and encourage perseverance. But it’s important to remember that when we repent, there’s a real way in which it no longer makes sense to think in these terms. The old has really and truly passed away.
Do you struggle with shame? You are not alone, and there is hope. Old habits of thinking and feeling die hard. And shame doesn’t go away just by slapping a spiritual cliché on it. But if you allow God to guide you through this trial, you have an opportunity to truly understand not just that, but also why God loves you. One way God brings good out of shame is that when we’re ashamed, we no longer take God’s love for granted. We have the opportunity to rediscover his love for us. God doesn’t want you to parrot what other people says he feels about you, he wants you to let him show you. How do you let him show you? That’s a topic for a lifetime and a thousand books (and perhaps another blog post). For now, here is a prayer model for dealing with difficult emotions. The next time you’re feeling ashamed, take ten minutes and give this a whirl.
Acknowledge: Identify and write what’s bothering you and why.
Relate: Talk to God—out loud if you’re alone. Tell him what you are feeling and why.
Receive: Wait in silence until you sense God speaking to you—don’t fill in the gaps with your own thoughts.
Respond: Give thanks to God, and carry out what you think he’s told you to do. Talk to a trusted friend about how it went.