Photo by John Brundage

Is there something you’re ashamed of? I wrote an article on this topic earlier this year which you may find helpful. Shame is one of the most difficult emotions to deal with. Nothing else has put me more on my heels. It’s one of those things which, if you experience it, you are almost by definition not prepared for it. It can suck all of the joy out of life and make you want to just curl up in a ball. If you are feeling that right now, know that I am praying for you as I write this, and that there is hope for a brighter future, no matter what you did or what happened. 

In this post I want to focus on isolation. When we feel shame, it is important to share it with someone. Don’t try to go it alone! You might feel an overwhelming urge to hide, and to think to yourself, “No one has to find out about this, I’ll handle it on my own.” But that attitude is probably one of the major reasons you got yourself in this situation in the first place. Regardless, the book of Ecclesiastes teaches us: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Shame is like mold, it thrives in the darkness, but recedes in the sunlight.

Saint Ignatius of Loyola taught that the devil will do everything he can to keep us isolated from the people who can help us see through the lies that shame tells us. Granted, not all shame is necessarily a spiritual attack—there are physical, chemical, and psychological factors to this too. But it’s also important to remember that shame is one of the enemy’s favorite weapons. When he tricked Adam and Eve into sin they became self-conscious about their nakedness and foolishly tried to hide from God. God asked them, “Who told you that you were naked?” (Genesis 3:11).

The question for anyone experiencing ungodly shame is, “Who told you you are worthless?” Or, “Who told you that no one would love you if they knew about this?” Or, “My life has been wasted?” These are lies of the enemy. And they are easier to believe when we are hiding from God and from other people. The bottom line is that we have to find someone. Are you feeling shame? How can you bring this to the light? Think of one trustworthy person you can confide in.

John Brundage is a seminarian with the Companions of the Cross. He also writes a Substack Newsletter called Integrated Prayer.